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“Mad was the last kid I saw and he was asleep. He was 3 months old and they put him in my arms and he stayed asleep and they put him in the bath and he stayed asleep and I thought he was narcoleptic or something. Then he opened his eyes and just stared at me for the longest time and I just stared at him and I started crying and he smiled. And it wasn’t that he smiled that he liked me, it was just that I hadn’t held children in my life and I was always considered so dark and I always had so many things that made me feel like maybe I shouldn’t be somebody’s mom because certainly the world has an opinion of me and I’m not so sure about myself and am I gonna be the best mom? So the fact that this little kid seemed at ease gave me the courage to feel like I could make him happy. And so we became a family right then.” — Angelina Jolie

(Source: becketts, via home-on-holland-road)


no one cares if you don’t like short hair on girls shut the fuck up

(via pizza)

(Source: bestrooftalkever)

This Snakejuice is basically rat poison. Everybody’s wasted.

(Source: buckybaernes, via queen--yuna)




i want to go on a shopping trip where i am the only one in the shopping mall and everything i want is free

that’s called night robbery 

so be it

(Source: h4te, via pizza)


"Otters have a skin flap that forms a pocket so they can keep their favorite rock with them. They use this rock to break open mollusks when eating. Some otters go their entire lives carrying the same rock!” source

hello this is my friend

(Source: metamorphosis-of-a-soul, via zackisontumblr)


*stops mid lick* are you gonna adopt me or

(via zackisontumblr)

LOL.  Bonus answer—


(Source: iwantcupcakes, via alidawn)


doctors: why are all your bones broken
me: totally gnarly kick flip
doctors: fucking savage bro

(Source: nicenewt, via alidawn)


I was sitting on my friends bed with her when she came out as gay

and I was looking through a Chinese food pamphlet

so I put it down, looked at her and said “I was going to suggest ordering food but I see now you’d prefer to eat out”

and I don’t think she’s ever really forgave me  

(via alidawn)

(Source: pleatedjeans, via pizza)


i drew the characters of shrek from memory

(via zackisontumblr)


we all took this movie too literally

(Source: ziplayamayankiz, via zackisontumblr)



Roseanne 1996 // S8: EP 15 //Dan and his buddies talk about race and sexual orientation

Straight White Male: The Lowest Difficulty Setting There Is

(via alidawn)